Why doesnt she think its a good idea to meet? Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. And so I had to leave the relationship. When you enter into a relationship you enter into this kind of contract with the person. The self-sabotage is so gradual that you might not see it when its happening. Not you. If you're with an avoidant you're not secure either, generally. It was 4 months ago that it officially ended, and was an 8 month relationship if thats helpful to know. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. Your email address will not be published. For instance, if you gave them space for a few days and then started communicating with them, telling your avoidant ex that you miss them, love them, and want them back, it wont help you. Attracting an ex back into your life can be quite difficult in its own right but its only heightened in the case of an ex who is avoidant. Related post: He blocked me, will he come back? When an anxious ex asks, What did you mean by its not a good idea to meet?, a dismissive avoidant will respond that its just not a good idea. Go through this a few times and questions start to float through your mind. This is key for learning how to make an avoidant ex miss you. Im sure he felt the same. Avoiding relational growth and commitment. Generally when this happens they think back on those positive peak moments. So make sure that if youre trying to attract back an avoidant, you have dealt with anything that could make them feel that they cant trust you; or that one day youre going to hurt them or abandon them. . In fact, I would even advise you not to waste your time by chit-chatting with your ex when they initiate conversation. If your ex does show a lot of narcissistic traits though, they're not a fearful-avoidant. Fearful-Avoidant: People with fearful-avoidant attachment are aware of their need for intimacy and may even desire it a great deal. They also get annoyed over small things and minor details; and get more and more annoyed with time. An avoidant ex not wanting to meet also triggers avoidance in fearful avoidants. Whats going on when they are thinking of reaching out to you?. So follow the rules of no contact religiously and stay mindful of the consequences of reaching out to someone you're emotionally dependent on. But a different kind of opportunity becomes available. You must make the person miss you so that they understand your worth! Its okay to want love but you should be wary and very careful because you will get hurt. Sometimes there is no contact for weeks even months, they reach out or you reach out; things are good for a while, then the pushing you away and pulling you back in begins all over. People who say they love you will take advantage of you; manipulate you, use you and/or abuse you if you are not careful.